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Woke up at 3:30 am, tossed and turned and tried to go back to sleep.

My leg hurts for no apparent reason and I can't find a comfortable position in this bed now.

Got up and ate an apricot picked from the tree that's still heavy with them in the backyard and thought "I'm still hungry and it's very dark outside. Is this breakfast or a snack?"

Went back upstairs and turned on the computer and futzed with the connection until finally giving up and reseting the airport again. I seem to have to do that daily now. Is it Comcast, my computer or are the tubes of the Internet just clogged up everywhere?

Went back downstairs and poured myself some mango orange juice and made a piece of sour dough toast with goat cheese melted on top. I eat another apricot.

The sliding glass door to the backyard is open and there's a red beetle that keeps flying into the screen and bouncing back off. I hear someone coughing a block over, the hacking sound of a smoker perhaps, also awake and standing in their backyard staring at ripe apricots on the ground in the darkness.

I come back upstairs to bed again but the bone core of my right thigh still aches like someone ran a shopping cart into it.

I remember a dream I had a couple of nights ago where I was with a friend who is really a stranger, but seemed like a long lost brother in the dream. Except he nuzzled between my neck and my hair and kissed me and I think we were married or living together or somehow much more than strangers or siblings. I've never had a brother, but I've often wished I did. It wasn't an unpleasant dream, but thinking about it now makes me sad, or perhaps not sad as much as pensive.

The connection is restored and the brightness of the computer screen hurts my eyes.

I look it up, and pensive connotes a wistful, dreamy, or sad quality. "while pensive poets painful vigils keep" (Alexander Pope). 

It's 7:43 PM in Singapore. 6:43 AM in Minneapolis, Minnesota and Lima, Peru. It's 1:43 PM in Germany and 4:43 AM in San Jose, California. There's no sign of Sunday morning yet from my window.

Originally posted on patty.vox.com