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On Vox: Know, Heal, Be Yourself

eHarmony believes that the challenge of establishing a healthy enduring relationship is first and foremost the challenge of examining yourself.

I agree. Making a commitment to

self discovery and personal growth is the only way to know how to be with anyone else. You can't change anyone but yourself. You can't really know anyone except yourself. And neither thing is easy to do.

While I haven't yet found my last love, I have to say that eHarmony is a very good site for finding a life mate. An estimated 2% of ALL marriages in the US are the result of people meeting through eHarmony. eHarmony, for several of it's faults past and present, did come out of scientific research about compatibility.

The other day I noticed a link on their site with the headline "20 Questions You Need to Ask Yourself". I thought it was a good list.

Can you answer all of these questions? Easily? Are there some questions you resist answering, even to yourself? Are there answers you don't like? Are there ones where you know you're not telling yourself the full truth?

1.     Who are the most important people in your life, and why?

2.     What is the one dream for your life you most look forward to achieving?

3.     Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry?

4.     Who has the capacity to make you feel loved more than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to cause you to feel so lovable?

5.     How do you feel about yourself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?

6.     When do you feel inspired? How does it feel when you are inspired?

7.     What is the most important thing in the world to you?

8.     If you had one day to live, how would you want to spend it?

9.     When do you feel most afraid?

10.   If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?

11.   What bores you? Why is this?

12.   How important is money to you? How much time do you spend thinking about it?

13.   What is the role of God in your life? Do you believe there is a God, and if so, what is God like in relation to you?

14.   What three interests are you most passionate about?

15.   Who is your biggest enemy, and precisely how and why did this person become your enemy?

16.   How important is food to you? Do you feel disciplined when it comes to eating? 

17.   Does the idea of being married to the same person for the rest of your life sound appealing to you—or not so appealing? What is there about it that you would especially like or not like?

18.   Do you consider yourself emotionally healthy? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?

19.   Do you argue very much with the people closest to you? How does it usually turn out?

20.   What specifically would you like your closest friends to say about you at your funeral?

 I noticed there is one topic they didn't touch on and that's sexuality. I'd add a question about that too.

  • How important is physical intimacy/effection to you?

Originally posted on patty.vox.com